On a soggy February Sunday morning the stalwart men of Cleveland once again braved the elements to attend a model show at The Royal Armouries at Leeds. Boy was it a wet drive, and several puddles had to be ploughed through to reach our destination. A regular on the circuit, it was the first time this confusing show was held in this location. Confusing because it’s organised by IPMS Wakefield and so far, to my knowledge, it’s been held in Huddersfield, Halifax and now Leeds. It was known affectionately by us as Huddyfax but I guess we’ll have to have a rethink on that now as HudLeFax sounds a bit strange.
Apart from the flooded fields, roads, and torrential rain the journey to the show was pretty quick and uneventful. That is until Chris and I missed the last turn off in Leeds and ended up taking a quick tour of the Leeds industrial heartland. Thankfully Google maps quickly had us back on course and brought us to the car park. Now, some confusion about the distance of the car park from the venue led to some members deciding not to attend. I can personally reassure those members that you could literally fall out of the car park and walk several yards into the venue. Assuming of course that you didn’t break your legs in the process. It is that close. It’s a tad expensive though but if there’s a few of you sharing then it’s not too bad.
Once in the venue our spot was quickly located under the club’s banner. The lads were hard at work assembling the display. All that is except Patrick who appointed himself as event photographer. It became apparent later on why Patrick was best suited to that role as whilst cleaning the shelves, the nine fingered clodhopper dropped one of the shelves and cracked it. After being handled without incident for several years it took literally 5 minutes for “Butterfingers Adams” to break one. Not to worry though as Professor Snogden came to the rescue and using his degree in Fiff, Faff and Fluffery he skilfully moved one of the displays in front of the crack, thus obscuring it from the public. Just goes to show you can’t beat a university education.
About a dozen of us made the show and with the small amount of space it was quickly filled. There were one or two missing in action though who decided partner’s birthdays were more important. None more so than John Tate who, having found himself double booked, had to cancel the Leopard Sig display leaving poor old Hughie abandoned like a lost puppy. Thankfully we made some space for the little fella, and he was quite happy sat behind the display eating sandwiches and drinking tea from a tartan flask. He did though ask Chris to help him book an Uber and we still have no idea where he and Sandra disappeared to. Curiouser and curiouser. If you thought people not turning up was bad, what was worse were people that turned up without any models to display at all. Not even to just enter in the competition. Not only that but they also neglected to wear a club shirt and had the audacity to sit behind the club display. I won’t mention any names, but you know who you are. All I can say is that you let me down, you let the club down, but most of all, you let yourself down.
Everything set up and organised by our masterful artistic director, it was time for a wander around the show. Not many traders in evidence which was quickly reduced by one as one of the traders took a turn for the worse and collapsed. Luckily, two Cleveland superheroes were on hand to leap into action. Quickly changing into their capes and skin-tight lycra superhero costumes and adopting their alter egos, “Fatman and Throbbin,” they caught the stricken trader and gently lowered him to the ground. Once there a brain surgeon; yes, he really was a brain surgeon, took over before the ambulance arrived. Not content with saving one individual they were also on hand when a second person was also taken ill with heart trouble. Moral of the story, if you’re going to be taken ill make sure you have a couple of superheroes near you. Alternatively, don’t walk around a model show with Terry and Patrick as you’ll most likely be taken ill.
I decided to try my luck in the competition with my recently completed Bronco. However, as I was placing my model on the table who should rock up but Keith from the Langley Moor club. He always does well in the competition, and I thought I was doomed after seeing his lovely Supermarine Walrus. And no, that isn’t some kind of euphemism! Luckily though fate shone on me as I came away with a gold as did Keith. Unlike me though, his model went on to win best in show, so I figured I did ok.
Time for some lunch, so Chris and I decided to sit on the stage whilst having lunch. It was whilst we were here that we were privileged to witness what can only be described as a typical Yorkshire moment. A young child walked up to a stand, picked up a model and after looking at the price was heard to utter the Yorkshire Warcry “Ow much? That’s disgusting.” A proud moment in Yorkshire history.
After lunch a few of us decided to have a quick tour around the Armouries. Afterall, it’s free. Irresistible to Yorkshiremen. Some amazing exhibits on display. In particular, there was a gold-plated Al Kadesiah sniper rifle that Chris misheard as a Quesadilla sniper rifle. Believed to be used by Mexican snipers hunting for burritos in the Mexican outback. It was also here that Martyn, despite his 32 years on this earth, forgot how glass works. Trying to get closer to an exhibit he came up against an invisible barrier that clonked him in the face. Yes Martyn, that’s glass. It’s been around for some years now and allows you to view objects without being able to touch them. It’s been in use in most museums for some time now! Further on Chris got over-excited at the fact that there was going to be a Marvel “Black Panther” exhibition. Imagine his disappointment when we got in there and it was just two random people explaining how fight scenes in movies are choreographed, with the same short scene from Black Panther playing over and over, and over and over. Anth however was undeterred and sat enthralled through most of the display. The rest of us left though, leaving Anth to it.
Back in the show it was getting close to the end and time to announce the winners. The competition opened up after judging but the organisers decided not to indicate who the winners were, deciding instead to announce it from the stage. A tense time waiting to see if any of us had won anything. Made worse by the fact the announcer was deathly quiet so no one could hear the announcements. This resulted in the crowd storming the stage to be able to hear anything. Thankfully I heard my name called out so went onstage to collect my medal; then got sent back by Chris to get a better photo. Make use of a PA system next time guys so we can all hear.
Show over it was time to head home. The weather was much improved, and we didn’t miss a turn off so all went well. Apart from getting stuck 3 cars behind someone who didn’t pay for his parking and he then had to reverse back up from the exit. A great venue for this nomadic show though it did feel sometimes that we were at a graduation ball with the starlight cloths around the walls. The lighting was a bit subdued but other than that it was a great day out. Roll on next year.
I am not quite sure at which point throughout the day it happened while touring what can only be described as the interior to a planitarium but my dad was replaced by an alien, this became rather apparent several days after the model show!
